The other day, while mindlessly scrolling through Instagram, I came across this post from one of my favorite bloggers to follow: Esther Santer. (She’s also linked on my favorites page!) I love following her for so many reasons: her love of to-do lists, her Type A organization skills, the fact that she’s just plain stunning and has amazing style are just a few of them. Another reason I enjoy following her is that her captions are often thought-provoking and insightful. She always tries to keep it real on a platform that’s infamous for being a well-curated highlight reel for influencers and bloggers alike. Underneath another beautiful picture of a chic outfit was a caption that got my head spinning:
Esther’s intent was to only get a conversation going—sans judgment. (Another reason I adore her!) I felt compelled to answer this question, and honestly found myself tripping over my own thoughts and questioning what I did believe. I literally DM’d her moments later, asking if I could please use her post as inspiration for a blog post. I’m no stranger to editing my own Instagram photos—some more than others. An easy edit will usually consist of my go-to VSCO filter (G7, usually somewhere between 4-6) and possibly use of Snapseed’s Portrait tool to brighten my face. Sometimes I’ll forego VSCO and use Krista Horton’s Stardust preset for Lightroom depending on the image. Back in July when I did a photoshoot with Lauren, I had lost a dental crown a week or so before (a casualty of my sweet tooth for Skittles) and had yet to get my long-ass sporadic gray roots touched up since the beginning of quarantine. (Ladies, y’all know my pain if you refuse to box-dye!) So many of those photos ended up taking more time to edit than it actually took to shoot them. No, I’m not going to post a picture of myself with a big honking black gap where a tooth should be—still missing btw because all dental insurance seems to suck. I’m going to photoshop my big old cheesy smile and add that tooth right back in where it belongs! You can bet if I took the time to get ready for these pictures, arranged for someone to watch Harper, and paid a photographer (who came to Long Island from New Jersey!) for them, that I’m not posting them until I’m completely happy with them. Lauren takes incredible pictures and literally never disappoints, but due to these two major insecurities, I was well aware that they were going to require more editing than usual. In fact, I actually let my grays show in some of those pictures because A) I wanted to be honest with my audience—I can be a bit of a mess at times and I’m far from perfect, and B) my damn eyes were going blurry trying to fix them all! (And I even disclosed in some of the captions that I edited some grays too!) But let’s be real for a second—am I only doing this for myself or for my audience too? I recall a conversation I had months ago via DM with another blogger, Emily, and telling her I was considering writing a post about editing, and she encouraged me to do so. Well, here we are, and I can’t believe I’m about to do this, but, which would you rather see pop up on your feed?
Anyway, my reply to Esther’s post said the following shortened version of everything I had to say: “I absolutely love when you raise great points like this! As someone who’s 4’10”, I say angles are super important. I know I’m also in the minority when I say if something makes you feel good, whether it’s a VSCO filter or lip filler, do it! 🖤 We all already know we’re looking at highlight reels and posed pictures for the most part, so you might as well do whatever you want to make that picture exactly what you want it to be!” In my early twenties I swore that plastic surgery was gross and that I would never do such a thing to my body. Fast forward a number of years: metabolism is slower than ever; your once physically demanding retail jobs have been replaced by a desk job that has you sitting 8-10 hours a day; you have a kid. I’d love to go back in time and tap that naive girl on the shoulder and tell her: “Start saving your money now, kid. You’re gonna need it because more than ever, you’ll need some Botox and a tummy tuck after you have the baby they told you you’d never be able to have. Oh, spoiler alert: YOU GET MARRIED AND HAVE A KID! Also, put on some damn sunblock and get the fuck out of the tanning booth—you look like an Oompa Loompa.” I suppose it’s also a different time we’re living in. Twenty-somethings when I was in my twenties were very different than they are now. Someone figured out how to skip the awkward stage entirely that I seem to be perpetually stuck in since 12 years old—and I’m well into my thirties! #awkwardAF4eva Social media wasn’t what it is now, and in all honesty, nobody cared anything about someone else’s skin care routine.
If something makes you feel good, whether it’s a VSCO filter or lip filler, do it!
I mean, when you think about it, when we put down the phone and the camera, real life is still full of filters. Something as simple as dyeing our hair, putting on makeup—hell, even wearing a certain type of bra—can be considered deception and, in a way, a filter in real life. Maybe they aren’t on the same scale as Botox, fillers, implants and tummy tucks, but all in all, they’re things we can do to make ourselves happy. If you have an insecurity and have the ability to alter it and feel positive about yourself, why wouldn’t you want to do that? People also shouldn’t be shamed because they choose to “fix” something they don’t like about themselves. Sometimes, you have to be able to love yourself on the surface to love yourself on a deeper level. Maybe people don’t want to hear that. It sounds shallow, but it’s true. I’m not going to lie, it’s a process to learn to love yourself. For some people like myself who developed disordered eating habits and body dysmorphia in their most formative years, it takes daily work—and not every day is a love fest. You don’t feel the greatest every single day when you look in the mirror when you have this nagging voice in the back of your brain. So if dyeing your hair or getting breast implants shuts that bitch up, DO IT. Being completely real, I’m not going to bullshit you and say if I had the money that I wouldn’t give myself the mommy makeover I’ve been dreaming about since having Harper. I would in a hot minute—pending COVID restrictions, of course. 🙄 While I love that my body was capable of bringing another life into this world (so much that when I think about it I could cry), it’s not always fun to look at that c-section scar daily—and the shooting pain it brings when it rains—or the loose skin that sits on top of it. I’m not saying my body was perfect before getting pregnant—it was far from it. I know it’s all supposed to be a reminder of how amazing women are; how incredible our bodies are and that I should embrace it. But sometimes—on those really bad days when that really annoying voice I was talking about earlier won’t stop her rambling—it’s a reminder of exactly how imperfect I still am. This got a little off topic and is another issue for another post all together. I’ll get deeper into that when I’m ready to handle the brigade of angry moms coming at me for shaming myself and what our magnificent bodies can do. It’s not about that at all—it’s just growing up with awful thinking patterns and a very, VERY distorted sense of self. So long story short, if I want to edit my photos and photoshop my missing tooth, can I do that without judgment from both myself and my audience? 🤷🏻♀️
Let’s be real. (Have I said that in one way or another like 36 times already? LOL) It can be a double-edge sword and quite honestly a lose/lose situation sometimes. We rarely even post our mundane daily tasks on our IG stories without some sort of filter on them. And am I really supposed to post a makeup-free, filterless selfie to pop up in someone’s feed among a sea of perfectly-curated, FaceTuned images featuring some of the most beautiful women ever? I mean, I can. But I don’t really want to, and I don’t know if anyone else really wants to see me in all my natural glory complete with dark under eye circles and sun spots. Maybe there are people who do, and maybe there are people who enjoy seeing more feed-friendly pictures. I think I’m still trying to find my own groove; a balance of “Instagram” pictures and family stuff. I know some of the statements I make my sound contradictory, but this is really just a train of thought and being able to see both sides quite honestly. We all say (literally DAILY) that Instagram and most social media is just a highlight reel, yet we expect people to be open, honest, filterless and proud of their flaws? We know those “candid” shots of your favorite blogger perfectly made up, walking down the street or sipping a PSL from her perfectly-placed (possibly empty) Starbucks cup are anything but. And hey, if they are, power to them! If they happen to be reading this, send me an email teaching me your ways! Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining about seeing this kind of content. I actually quite enjoy seeing it. In my post titled Alexa, Play “Factory Girl”…. I share a quote in the first paragraph about the creative freedom that Instagram gives everyone. I like that Instagram has become a place where you can have a photoshoot—whether with your friends or a professional photographer—and shamelessly post all the photos you want. It’s become a platform where you can be an artist or an author, and have your own corner of the app to do whatever you want. I love that the new Reels feature has given another opportunity for creatives to thrive. I love being able to screen record edits I make to pictures and make videos and images that tell a fun little story like this one below.
All in all, no, I don’t know where this is going or where it went, but I’ve gotta wrap it up. If you’ve stuck around to this point, THANK YOU for listening to me talk in circles and make pretty much zero sense. I guess I just wanted to put all of my thoughts out there and say that whether it’s a filter or a filler, if something makes you feel good about yourself, do it. You’ll get no judgment over here. Keep editing your photos as much or as little as you want, as long as it’s what you want to do and makes you happy. As always, I would love to know if you have any opinions on this subject and would love to hear from you!