To put it nicely, I think we can all agree that 2020 was more or less a dumpster fire. Personally speaking, I had a relatively decent year; a year that was full of reprioritizing, self-discovery, and the birth of my blog, to name a few. That’s not to say it wasn’t without its down moments. There were more pits than I would like to admit, but it made the peaks that much more enjoyable. And in all honesty, I think any small victory in 2020 was considered a win, and worth celebrating.
The last couple of months of 2020, however, I got into my own head. A dark cloud of doubt started to loom. Normally I would chalk it up to seasonal depression, but this was more. The months of gassing myself up (to myself) eventually wore me down mentally. Was I the prime example of speaking something into existence, or was I a total hypocrite? I was preaching about self-love when I could barely even look at myself in the mirror some days. The sound of my own voice and my words disgusted me. I was at war with myself every single day; about my physical appearance, my maternal capability, my mental health, and my ability to be loved—to name a few. I would be lying if I said it didn’t take a toll on my relationships. I felt the strain in my marriage, and ignored it. I heard the way I was speaking to my parents and to my family, and justified it. I was well aware that I was disconnecting from most of my friends, and was ambivalent about it. When confronted with these issues, it’s hurtful to realize repeatedly that you’re quite possibly the problem. If you’re the common factor, well, then you’re the common factor. After taking a step back and reflecting, my ultimate goal not only for this year, but for life in general, is to live with intention and awareness. I need to be more aware of how I’m speaking (or not speaking) to those I love, and realize the impact my actions and words have on them. Whether I want to admit it or not, I need to start holding myself accountable. As much as it sucked to be so down around the holidays, it’s all in perfect timing……
With a new year comes a clean slate. If you’re an over-the-top Virgo like myself, you’ve also already written a lengthy list of nearly-impossible goals to attain (in your brand new 2021 planner, undoubtedly). Yes, I wrote that list, but then I wrote another one. I did a breakdown of some of my goals and instead listed the steps necessary to move closer to them. I may or may not obtain certain partnerships I’m hoping for. I may or may not post my weekly Reels on Instagram that I’m hoping to. I may or may not revamp my Pinterest the way I want to. (You guys, is it just me or is that app way harder than when it originally came out? Anyone want to help me with that? Please. For real, though….) There are also a lot of personal goals that I have to work toward, and it all starts with learning to love myself. I have to repair the cracks that I forced into my own personal relationships, and I’m not taking if lightly. This year is going to be a huge personal undertaking, and I’m up for the challenge. I’m hoping that breaking things down on every level will get me closer to each goal than I currently am and make everything a little less overwhelming. One thing I’m also doing to achieve this is compiling monthly mood boards. Basically, I’m going to manifest the shit out of my goals so that they have no choice but to become reality! (At least, that’s the plan!) Also, they’re fun to make and help me relieve stress. And they’re pretty, too.
For my January mood board, I’m manifesting all things self-love, neutral (yes just because it’s a pretty palette!), and happiness featuring fashion inspo from Blake Healey + Lindsay Solmer. Just know that if you make a to-do list that includes waking up, making your bed, and washing your face, and you manage to check any of those three off, good for you! If you have to start with a smaller, simpler to-do list that doesn’t induce fear, then do it. Set one big goal a week for yourself, or even one big goal a month. Don’t give yourself a list that’s going to be so daunting that you shut down. You know how you’re best capable to crush your own goals! And for what it’s worth, I have all the faith in the world in you and would love to hear what they are! Don’t be down on yourself if you don’t check everything off of your overly-ambitious to-do list. We’re all in it together, taking it one day at a time. Also, if you’re doing some personal work on yourself, please don’t be quick to dismiss someone’s opinion or feelings. Even if they’re not in line with yours, or you don’t see where they’re coming from, they’re still valid. And if you’re the one having these big feelings, don’t be afraid to express them and talk them out. 🤍
(If you want to see how I compiled this mood board, check out my Reel on Instagram here!)
Vito Lamonica says
Very self enlightening. Makes others around aware of your mindset and certain things are not about them. Love it magnify those feelings by a million and you know that you are not alone.